Playlist- Ralphs on Sunset 12/9

Matchbox Twenty- Bright Lights
Daniel Powter- Bad Day
Hoobastank- The Reason
The Fray- How to Save a Life

The Office

Today the copy machine wasn't working. I opened the paper tray, the source of the problem, to find an uneven stack. My boss took the paper out. "Just straighten it out and stick it in," I said. Not a moment later, I realized my once in a lifetime opportunity. Before he could reply, I blurted it out: "That's what she said." It was glorious.

10 Questions

At some point in the past year, Time Magazine decided to take its already painfully inane "10 Questions" feature and render it completely braindead, by having its readership ask the questions via e-mail instead of an anonymous staffer. Or so they claim. I don't believe it. I can't quite fathom that when Tricia Munson of Highland Heights, Ohio read that towering literary icon Nora Roberts* would be next in the hot seat, the muse struck, she hustled to her computer, and eagerly typed out "Children rarely read for fun. How can we encourage interest in recreational reading?" spell-checking and studying word choice three times over before clicking send. I will let Ms. Roberts reply speak for itself:

"It's up to the parents to not only allow but encourage reading fun books. People tend to push books that are good for you, like broccoli instead of ice cream. But if you let them read Spider-Man—I sure did—they are going to move on to Ray Bradbury and Stephen King."

Ok, I can't quite let this truth nugget speak for itself, but only because I'm slightly confused by Ms. Roberts highly evolved reasoning. Can someone please clarify? Is Stephen King broccoli in this scenario? Or is it Spider-Man: The Novelization by Thomas Pynchon? I'm so confused. Oh well. Anyway, thanks Ms. Roberts, for the food for thought. I always told my mom she should have fed me more ice cream, but she never listened.

(Roberts can be seen here, prowling the streets in search of an idea her next great romance novel, some ice cream and, if she's lucky, a mugger. She's carrying heat in that right pocket, so don't mess: http://img.timeinc.net/time/daily/2007/0711/br10qroberts_1210.jpg)

Digital Shopping Revolution

Borders sends me a lot of e-mails that contain coupons I don't use. 30% off a book at Borders is still slightly more expensive than the same book on Amazon and lots more than a used book store that probably needs my money. I was actually about to make a massive Amazon purchase when I realized I'd been spending too much time in my apartment, and needed to get out. Borders was offering me 40% off any DVD boxed set, and SNL Season 2 came out today. Besides, Amazon does not offer the shopping experience that Borders does. Case in point: an average looking Asian guy in his 30s, wearing sunglasses at night and dressed in clashing sweats, humming the song "Memories" from the musical Cats while listening to it (hopefully) from an unknown source connected to the black ear buds that came out from the collar of his sweater and, yes you guessed it, examining and considering with a palpable amount of consternation the Hairspray Limited Edition Giftset (featuring a design your own mini locker!) (Visual Aid 1.0: http://www.amazon.com/Hairspray-Limited-Giftset-Paul-Dooley/dp/B000WC3AGM/ref=pd_bbs_sr_6?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1196839609&sr=8-6). You're not going to find entertainment like that on the Amazon Kindle. Take that digital shopping revolution! However, SNL season 2 was too expensive, even with 40% off. It's less on Amazon, even without a coupon... bollocks... points for the digital shopping revolution...

But all is not lost! Fifty dollars to Amoeba Music for five CDs. And even more points for:
-The clatter of the store PA system. Then, a female voice descends from the heavens: "Customer assistance needed in Tupac." A whole thirty seconds of giggles. "I'm sorry. I meant hip-hop."
-Filing Jennifer Lopez in soul.
-The woman in front of me at the check out ending her anti-jazz rant with "I mean goddamn, how many fucking albums does a jazz artist need to make?"

So for those counting at home, that's 5000 points for actual shopping, and 250 for digital shopping. So heed this warning internet: until you create virtual batshit insane people, you will not be a serious option for this shopper.

Meet the Press

Am I the first to notice that the Meet the Press theme song sounds like a Bernard Herrmann Hitchcock score? Every time it starts up, I get this distinct, eerie feeling of inevitability that Tim Russert will meet his end by the knife of an off the rails James Carville/Mary Matalin psychotic power combo (Carville's eyes a glazed white, Mary whispering in his ear). Sometimes I think Russert has it coming, when he unleashes those wack pessimistic questions ("do you really think saving the world is possible? really?" for instance*) that make for faux journalistic integrity. To sum up this review: Meet the Press is a Sunday morning well spent. It should be your civic duty to make this appointment television. Blah blah blah.

*not an actual example, but might as well be.